wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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