im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
