Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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