She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
