He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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