fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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