I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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