Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
