I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish i was in the wii world.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
