And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
