dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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