i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
