And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
