Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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