My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
