if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
