its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
