fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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