I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just had sex bonerless
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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