I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
