hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
