Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
