Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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