Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
