There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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