I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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