Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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