Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
