Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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