My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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