"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
