Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
