she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
