doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
