I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
