dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
