Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
