There r osticjed everywhere
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I could fuck to npr.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
