I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
