I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
