i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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