Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
