Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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