how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
