We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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