I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
