Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
