Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
