Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
