"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
