Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
